Gifts of Life. Embrace of Death. What is in between?

I am not at war with death, I embrace death.  An awkward statement to make by one who is in the medical profession.  Healing does not require life to continue unendingly.  It merely requires us to accept the gift of life in a body and accept the gift of the death of that body.  Life is a cycle of gifts.  The sun gifts us light.  The plants gift us photosynthesis and with that a plethora of unique life giving substances via fruits, vegetables, building materials, and healing compounds.  Animals gift us our lives so that we may live.  May we too gift our lives so the earth may live. I wish to make the fruits of my life a gift so others may live.  To do so I must embrace life and ultimately death.  My ceasing to exist allows for new ones to bring forth their gifts.   Often our attempts to avoid death are a great boon to the economy, yet ultimately will fail.  Death comes for us all.

All of these things in the natural world are given to us.  Yet increasingly our lives are taken over by a commoditization of everything.   Humans have figured out how to charge for everything... even yoga :)  Increasingly our lives are spent “making money” and servicing the unending debt that is required to have a “normal” life in this society.  As a descendant of slaves, I am troubled to look at my life and see the multitude of ways that I am still a slave.  I love Bob Marley’s lyrics “Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds... Have no fear for atomic energy..”  Must have struck a chord as “Redemption Song” has over 29 million hits on You Tube.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFGgbT_VasI&feature=kp


In attempting to emancipate myself I ran across the book “Sacred Economics: Money, Gift, and Society in an Age of Transition”  by Charles Eisenstein.  I started it on my plane ride this morning up to Seattle and have been unable to put it down.  I am especially excited as his book promises to offer tangible solutions, not just trash on the problems with the status quo.  I look forward to hearing his thoughts and solutions... Check it out.  http://charleseisenstein.net/project/sacred-economics/
http://sacred-economics.com/film/

This exploration has lead to a newfound purpose in my life.  In the time between my birth and death, I will strive for two things:  Helping others heal themselves and the planet, and helping others emancipate themselves from financial slavery...  May our lives be a great gift to the whole.  Here’s to a great adventure! 

Leaning out...

Ironically I am writing this from an RV with my 4 year old daughter Penelope crawling all over me making otter noises...  Yes after years of schooling, 2 advanced degrees, and a six figure income; I am starting over.  I left a thriving practice in Seattle to come to California and find myself.  Stupid maybe, entertaining yes. In the process of re-envisioning my life, I am running into trouble.  Financial trouble, parenting trouble, career management trouble...  I started out my career so promising, despite many challenges I somehow managed to land on my feet, grow a practice all the while co-parenting my daughter 50% of the time since she was 9 months old and resisting the temptation to put on a video for hours on end so I can work.  I cook her organic fresh meals full of vegetables that she does not like.  She tells me this daily.

In the end I have a bittersweet taste in my mouth.  I am 33, unmarried, un-housed, and in a ridiculous amount of debt from all that schooling that was supposed to deliver me from that life of poverty I was accustomed to.   In a way it has, have a higher standard of living than I grew up with.  But alas there is not enough time, I need another 10 years to become a good provider.  Yet time is not on my side in terms of having a family.  My sperm are aging as I am dismayed to note,  as more and more papers assert that male fertility like female fertility begins to drop off at 35.  Many papers are linking autism spectrum disorders to aging fathers.  Putting to end the myth and notion that males can indefinitely have healthy children.  My own father is on the spectrum making it likely that I carry some of those genes.  I always dreamed of having a happy family.  Unfortunately, I spent the better part of my peak fertility chasing women that had no intention of partnering themselves to me.  I feel a constant pressure to "do it all", have the family, career, house, car, all the things that make for a normal life in America.  In the end, I have lost myself.  I spend lots of time taking care of others, my child, and very little time on myself.  I have a growing rage inside at having worked so hard only to see my career dwindle as I put in time and energy raising my child.  Knowing that inside, if I don't exihibt sucess, then I won't be a good producer, and if I am not a good producer, then I will not be fit for a long term relationship.    I have no trouble attracting women, they just don't stay when I can't keep up the pace of "doing it all".    I am finding it very hard to advance my career while being a good parent.  Let alone have time to have a relationship.   Consequently, women come and go in my life as they should when I can no longer do the things that attracted them to me in the first place.

Every day I swallow my anger and resist my urge to scream "This is not my life!!" at the top of my lungs.  I hate being a single parent, it boils my insides every day.  It was the last thing I wanted in life after growing up in a single parent immigrant home.  I love my career and wish I could spend more time at it.  At first I blamed and aimed my anger and vitriol toward Penelope's mother,  later I turned a corner and began blaming myself.  For  A Long Time.  As I move and start my life over in a new place I have come to realize that what is happening is beyond myself and the choices I have made.  The world is and has been changing, rapidly.  Faster than this guy or guys in general can adapt to the demands of the world we find ourselves in.  Consequently, both men and women are unhappy and unhappily ever after.  And no one is writing a men's book about it.  I have tried to find it.  Maybe there should not be a "men's" book, but some guidelines and leadership to allow both sexes to work together.

The world is changing, women are "leaning in" to borrow Sheryl Sandberg of Facebook phrase from her book "Lean in" http://leanin.org/.  I am in a profession that is predominantly women. (Naturopathic medicine... Medicine in general is also looking to be predominantly female as there are less and less males going into it as a profession).  As I look back at the second paragraph of this blog I am struck by the notion that what I am experiencing is what women have been experiencing for a long time.  The tension of having to figure out how to juggle family life with career aspirations.  All the while feeling like we are doing both poorly.  (Right now I have a pink teddy bear and a mermaid laying across my arms as I type).   I wonder what will happen to all the men that lean out so women can lean in...

Since there were no books I could find to guide me in this brave new world, I have picked up "Lean In"  to see what if any advice there is to men.  I am lost.  My initiatory experiences as a male have not prepared me for this world.  I was programmed with antiquated notions of what my role is.  I am programmed to be a provider.  I am not the only male in this place.  I am just the only one brave enough or stupid enough to write about it on a public forum.  As the battle of the sexes rages on, I wonder when we can stop battling and move into true partnership.   I am seeking partnership not just romantically, but as a society, so that all may lead fulfilling lives.  I am now retiring this to go make a fort with my daughter.  Stay tuned.

Shame on me, shame in me...

Facing the shame in our life is never easy.  I seem to have tons of it.  Apparently my perfectionist tendencies are a way of avoiding it.  Things have gotten so I can no longer avoid it.  Recently a friend pointed out how much anger I have inside me. Watching a talk in response to the Stubenville rape got me thinking and examining my own shame.  http://www.vday.org/livestream

Shame for men seems to surround their masculinity.  If you are not "a man"  then you will be filled with the sense of shame.  I have always had a particular apathy towards the things that make one a man.  Maybe this comes from growing up in a home where it was women that were defining me as a man, rather than having a man define me as a man.  Or a culture that has always defined manhood to me with a negative connotation.  Fortunately, I have wound my way around into manhood defined by myself and secure in myself.  Or so I thought.  This has not been without consequences.

Dr. Brene Brown has a TED talk on shame that is very enlightening.  http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame.html  I like how she separates shame and guilt.  When you say "I am sorry I made a mistake" you are experiencing guilt.  When you say "I am sorry I am a mistake" you are experiencing shame.  My hair stood on end, this is me. 

Both talks talk about how shame thrives in silence and secrecy.  So here is my attempt to end my silence and secrecy to quell my own inner shame... Here goes...

Oh shit, this is hard...   (a little, but loud voice in my head says I will never get laid again if I keep writing...)

I am ashamed for having the mother of my child leave me when our child was only 9 months old.   My unspoken inner world told the story that I must really be a monster for this to happen.  Statistically women will typically wait till the child is 4 before leaving the father.  I knew this even then, and spent many nights berating myself over it.  I think unconsciously I still do. I felt really alienated, the females in my life left and "tended and befriended" my child's mother; the males in my life knew nothing of how to be with an infant and stopped calling to hang out.  But mostly, my intense sense of shame kept me from reaching out to my friends.  I have felt very alone in fatherhood for the past 4 years.

I am ashamed for wanting at times to leave my child to chase women, money, and success.  I have stayed with my child and have still gotten two of the three... I will let you decide which 2! 

I am ashamed for being in debt.  I think this ties into my ancestral past in slavery.  I still am in shackles, they are just in my mind rather than around my ankles.  Despite my success in work, my debt is such that it is unlikely that I will be able to pay it off.  I can make my payments, but this is different than paying it off.  Still feels like indentured servitude, only no one is beating me.  This debt also shames me in terms of not being a "good provider".  Despite the liberation of women into the joys and sorrows of working life, of not needing a man, I still feel intense pressure to "be a good provider".  I feel a great sense of shame that I am not.

Because I have not felt like much of a provider (and therefore not a man), I have a constant feeling of not being enough for all the women in my life.  I think my shame of this kept me from ever really showing up in my relationships.  (Surely, with the sheer number of women I have dated, the problem must be me.)  For a long time, I tried to blame women... Women this, women that... I am sure many of you have heard things along those lines come out of my mouth.  For this I am sorry. 

In Dr. Brene Brown's talk on shame (around min 17:00), she relates a story about a man talking about being vulnerable he said  the women in his life  "would rather me die on top of my white horse than watch me fall down... When we reach out and be vulnerable we get the shit beat out of us... and don't tell me it is from the guys, the coaches and the dads, because the women in my life are harder on me than anyone else."  This rings true for me as well.

It sucks to not be enough.  The constant criticism from the women in my life and my lack of a thick skin, has led me to always feel like I am not enough.  Couple this with not being a provider with resources or power and you have a broken individual and a shell of a man.  This leads to a worthlessness that sucks the life out of relationships and friendships.  And for some, it sucks the life out of them.  Rather than getting addicted to a substance to soothe my seething soul, I got addicted to perfection.  If I am perfect enough I will be loved and cared for.  I must never let someone see me rattled.  When I did those people left me.  Or at least that was the story I told myself.  (Abandonment... That will take a whole other blog!)

My inability to be comfortable in my vulnerability has robbed me of vital friendships, loving relationships, and my own authenticity.  I like how Dr. Brene Brown talks about how when you numb out from negative emotions and feelings, you can't be selective.  You also loose the positive emotions of joy and gratitude as well... http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

The irony of the whole thing is that every day I work with vulnerability and shame and am quite good at it.  Every day people take of their clothes, bearing their naked body so I may examine it for signs of disease and health.  Every day people bear their innermost secrets to me.  Every day people bear their souls deepest wishes to me.  Every day I walk others through the fear of disease and death that comes with a body.  Ironically, every day the things that would quell my angst come out of my mouth.  I am continually in awe of my patients ability to be vulnerable, honest, and authentic with me.

For my own healing, I am going to let myself be seen, love with my whole heart, find gratitude and joy, and finally be ENOUGH.  I look forward to the journey...

Rape culture

India made international news in December 2012 after a gang rape of a young woman despite being accompanied by a male friend who attempted to stop the rape.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2012_Delhi_gang_rape_case (Warning, do not read if sensitive, graphic description of her injuries).  She later died 4 days later as a result of the assault.  Al Jazeera had a good program looking at how the culture in India and recent changes of having women in the workplace has increased the phenomenon of rape and "eve teasing"http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eve_teasing in India.  http://www.aljazeera.com/programmes/101east/2012/04/201242482823627221.html  There is even now an ap for Indian women focused on reporting and protecting women.  http://ibnlive.in.com/videos/370176/fightback-app-indias-first-mobile-application-for-womens-safety.html

I was saddened to see this in the news.  Twelve years ago I traveled in India for 3 months.   During my journey I accompanied many women traveling.  Some on buses and trains.  Some just wanting to go to a movie, just like the couple who were attacked.  In many cases I was accompanying Caucasian women and eve teasers would not even realize that they were being accompanied as I blend into the background there when moving through a crowd.  I used to always tell Caucasian women that in general they were safe in India as only Indian women were raped.  There was a widespread belief that crimes against white women would be investigated and prosecuted, while crimes against Indian women would be unreported and are rarely prosecuted.  Unfortunately, things have changed in India as a Swiss woman with her husband was recently gang raped in India.  http://world.time.com/2013/03/16/swiss-tourist-gang-raped-in-central-india/

I suspect that one of the things driving the increase in sexual violence in India have to do with a complex mix of traditional views of women, especially women as property with modern pornography.  I am surprised at the age of the perpetrators, they are young men.  I don't believe that something like gang rape just happens, it has to be taught and it has to be culturally supported.  I think the Internet has become the classroom for gang rapists.  Where else would one learn something like that?  It is not even in many Western films let alone Indian ones.  When a man is sexually primed for gang raping, and then is economically disenfranchised ie too poor to get married, afford a prostitute, ect.  then he will just take.  As the stratification of wealth continues in India and less and less men can afford to marry in the traditional way, and no real concept of sex out of marriage, what will they do with their libidos?  Likely turn to the internet.  A small number of them will take what they learn there and act it out.

Our own rape culture is a bit different.  Here in America apparently it is ok to have sex with an intoxicated female.  So many bystanders and no one helping.  If she can't say no and does not say yes, then this too is rape.  In America you are far more likely to be raped by someone you know.  This is known as date rape.  A little different from gang rape or stranger rape, but just as damaging.  It is estimated to be drastically under reported for a variety of reasons including the victim not being sure she was raped because the perp was her husband/boyfriend/friend.  I have to confess that I have always been afraid that I would be accused of date rape and that being a dark skinned male would be highly likely to be vilified, prosecuted.  I think most people who know me or have dated me would find this odd, but yes it is something I fear.

Rape, false rape accusations, and sports stars go hand and hand, from Kobe http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kobe_Bryant_sexual_assault_case, to Duke Lacross players http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duke_lacrosse_case, to Seattle's Jeremy Stevens http://seattletimes.com/html/localnews/2004147460_rbstevens270.html, but now we have high school kids.  Steubenville, OH has 2 high school charged with raping a 16 year old girl.  Over 900 pictures were taken of the girl during and after the assault.  Yet no one helped her.http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/steubenville-investigation-video-shows-fellow-students-concerned-victim-article-1.1297103  Why is that?  How is it that teens have been acculturated to see this as a normal occurrence?  Could it be that they see it on the Internet every day?  Could it be that there are a plethora of websites showing intoxicated females in a party atmosphere having sex?

Rape is wrong, it always is no mater what the context.  GUYS:  If it is a grey area, when in doubt keep it out, it DOES NOT BELONG TO YOU.  I think greater education can be done to help educate males about what is consensual and what is not.  Both men and women contribute to rape culture.  Men by continuing to view women as property, as sex objects, and as something for their comfort and gratification.  Patricia Levy, PhD in a huffington post article explains how she thinks women contribute to rape culture.  Here is her article... http://www.huffingtonpost.com/patricia-leavy-phd/why-girls-and-women-parti_b_2909542.html?utm_hp_ref=steubenville-rape

And now a shout out to those doing something to evoke change:
Tony Porter, see his TED Talk http://www.ted.com/talks/tony_porter_a_call_to_men.html
Eve Ensler and her One Billion Rising movement http://www.onebillionrising.org/livestream  http://www.ted.com/talks/eve_ensler_on_security.html
Morley http://onebillionrising.org/blog/entry/rise-by-morley
L Vogelman Sexual Face of Violence: Rapists on Rape  https://www.ncjrs.gov/App/Publications/abstract.aspx?ID=127046
Cindy Gallop  creator of Make love not porn  http://blog.ted.com/2009/12/02/cindy_gallop_ma/
http://www.makelovenotporn.com/ 

I think that rape culture and war culture go hand and hand.  I see little difference between the mentality behind the rape of women, the rape of the planet, and the rape of other cultures.  Behind all three lurk the need for power.  Where did all these men lose their power? 

Race based admissions in higher education

The Supreme Court is getting ready to hear a case on affirmative action and in reading the story in the NY times this morning I could not help but be a little triggered.  http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/09/us/supreme-court-to-hear-case-on-affirmative-action.html?src=recg  


Maybe it is because I am black or am I.  My multiracial mix often leads to mass confusion when trying to stereotype me or fit me into a box on a racial category.  My mother is East Indian and my father is African and Chinese.  They were born in Guyana (also confusing, not Ghana in Africa, but Guyana, North of Brazil next to Venezuela and Suriname (they are in South America for those of you who really suck at geography)) http://www.lonelyplanet.com/the-guianas/guyana  I was a boon to college admissions officers looking for diversity. (Actually I wasn't and was rejected by Boston College and University of Washington, and went to my third choice Seattle University)  Interestingly my dark skin is from my mother and my father is rather fair skinned.  So despite my 25% African blood, all the schools wanted me to choose the box "African American" when applying for financial aid and any other program tracking race.  This was back in the days when multi-racial was not a choice and you had to choose one box.  I typically chose Asian or East Indian.

In the end I went to two private schools Seattle University and then Bastyr University for Medical school.  Both are private and not diverse.  Fall of 1998, my freshman year, Initiative 200 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Initiative_200 passed in Washington State banning race based admissions.  As this topic was in the limelight, I felt many eyes watching me in the discussions that followed in the classrooms and halls.  In the end maybe it was a good thing, I felt tremendous pressure to not "get a free ride" and was determined to get top grades so no one would doubt that I belonged there.  I felt like everyone wondered whether I got into the school based on race. 

In 1999 underrepresented minority enrollment plummeted in Washington State.  In response, Jim Senegal and Jeff Brotman (cofounders of Costco) formed the Costco Scholarship Breakfast http://www.costcoscholarshipfund.org/  Many of you know I was the first student speaker and received a full scholarship at Seattle University for my final 2 years.  (I was also a keynote speaker at the 10th annual breakfast).

In between the lines of these stories and many other cases involving affirmative action is really economics.  Many people of color (including myself) cannot afford higher education and wonder whether the loan/debt system is worth the risk.  My reaction to signing my first loan papers at Seattle University was "Oh I remember this... Indentured Servitude, I get to go to school and in repayment I get to work for the banks for 10-30 years"  This is the story of my East Indian heritage in Guyana, only in the end we did not get the land we were promised.  Higher education for many of us has not proven to be the economic boon or the escape from a life of poverty for many of us.  Arguably, I am poorer now due to the debt.  When comparing my debt to other class mates and friends, I typically have 2-3 to 10 times more school debt (and way less credit card debt, but that is another blog).

I particularly think the case Regents of the University of California v Bakke  in 1978 is an interesting one http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Regents_of_the_University_of_California_v._Bakke This is where a 33 yr old white male was not admitted to University of California at Davis medical school.  He sued and the case went to the Supreme Court, striking down the race quota system there in a 5-4 decision.  It is interesting to note at least with respect to Medical school, if admissions were based on merit alone (GPA and MCAT scores) then the bulk of the doctors would be Asian and East Indian with a handful of white students, as these groups traditionally have the highest GPA and MCAT scores.

I am not going to comment much on this case as I don't know what the reality of the situation is at the University of Texas.  However, I do think her contention that she has been harmed by job discrimination as a result of graduating from Louisiana State University is laughable...  She should see the kind of job discrimination I have experienced (or any other person of color).  She is working in Austin and in the field of her choice.

Clearly these cases if anything reflect the economic divide between minorities and majorities (my new word!), as well as the continued legacy of slavery, the ongoing destruction of native peoples.  I truely hope we do get to a place where race is no longer used or even thought about in admissions to anything, but until then we will all have to keep talking about these tough topics and heal.

Travels in Lakota country

First of all thank you to the creator for this divine life we all share. A big Wopila to my Lakota friends and family for their hospitality and generosity. I had the honor and pleasure of attending one of the many Sundances in the Pine Ridge Reservation in South Dakota. In respect of the culture, I will not be posting any pictures or writings of my experiences at the Sundance. The Lakota people have a deep oral tradition and I will honor that by sharing my stories with you in person.

Many of you are probably wondering why I spend my vacation time hanging out on the rez... There is no simple answer to this, but here is my attempt...

In my exploration of medicines modern and ancient, I have become convinced that many of the solutions for today's problems lay embedded in the past. These solutions exist in the cultural diversity that humans have developed over our 100,000+ years of existence. Unfortunately this vast diversity is being rapidly replaced with modern consumer driven capitalism and all the gifts and problems that come with it.

Unfortunately many of the cultures carrying this technology are dying out as their languages, medicines and belief systems are no longer being spoken, practiced, or taught. Many might say "so what, humans no longer need those out dated ways". Ah but we do, for these cultures have developed ways to live in harmony with the Earth in a manner that is sustainable. Our culture is at a cross road, no matter what belief system you participate in, it is hard to ignore that the Earth has changed rapidly in a short amount of time.

For those relying on the notion that technology and human ingenuity will save us, it likely will not. Our technology requires vast resources from all over the planet (ironically I am typing this on an iPhone while flying on an airplane), and it is a flaw in our belief system that the resources on the planet are for human use only. Developing new technologies to continue our way of life while ignoring that our fates are all interwoven: plant, animal, and human will only speed our destruction. It is no coincidence that cancer rates are increasing as our culture behaves like a cancerous cell: growing out of control and utilizing all the resources on its path. Then we treat our cancer with more things that cause cancer.

Dying cultures contain many of the solutions needed for life and humans to thrive on the planet. We must rapidly preserve and protect them. We must dialog with these people. We must right the wrongs of the past (there are many... That could take a while...) in order to secure a future. We can start by sharing music, dance, and food together to foster trust and understanding.

We cannot wait for an election, we cannot wait for leaders, we must all begin to act on the information we have been given for some time now. What changes in life has your heart been calling out to you?

Life is beautiful, let's preserve and protect it not sell it and consume it. Every action sends a ripple through existence shaping the future. Every action has a thought behind it.. What are yours? Every thought that we choose to bring into existence by action has a belief behind it. Does your belief system enhance life or destroy it?

This blog has been heavily influenced by many writers and many of my experiences traveling. For more information check out Thom Hartmann's "The Last Hours of Ancient Sunlight". For more information on the history of the Lakota read "In the Spirit of Crazy Horse". A good read on the end of indigenous life in North America see Dee Brown's "Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee". See also Wade Davis's TED talk on preserving the ethnosphere (what?).

Please join me in becoming part of the solutions needed for life to thrive on the planet.

The trials and tribulations of being young, black, and male

I have been avoiding reading about the Treyvon Martin killing.  Until today, I did not read any of the stories, click any links, ect.  For me it was too emotionally charged.  Today I read about the case and like most found it troubling.  However for me it went deeper.  This was a great fear of my mother that I would be shot for some reason.  She never liked me to go running in the evening, was always concerned about what I was wearing, never let me go hunting, ect.
It reminded me that how I look matters.  Being a mixed race dark skin male has made for some interesting events in life.  Here are some of the highlights...

Being consistently searched at TSA
Being detained at the Canadian Boarder for several hours (remember that one guys!)
People getting nervous with me in an elevator
A classmate in school had a dog that would go apeshit when it saw me because it was specifically trained to attack black males.  (first racist dog I met)  It had to be kept in a cage when I was around and would bark non-stop until I was gone.
Not experimenting with drugs in teens (like everyone else) as I was already being searched...
Being perceived as being overly sexual or treated like a sex toy.  (long social history feeding into this as well as the porn category "interracial", see also Emmitt Till case)
Swastikas carved into my desks in junior high by neo nazis
Caricatures of me with giant lips left in my desk and locker throughout school
Being told to go back to Iraq (wrong country dumbass...)
Having a patient refuse to see me as a student because of the color of my skin
Being refused service in multiple restaurants (very embarrassing...)

Ironically Treyvon was suspended from school when the shooting occurred due to trace amounts of marijuana in a bag.  Maybe his death has saved him from later doing time in prison on a mj charge once he became an adult.  Gotta love the prison industrial complex...  I can totally understand how he looked had led to this disaster as I have experienced what he has experienced. 

I have a kid now and have a vague idea of the absolute horror it must be to loose your child.  My heart goes out to his parents.  No one should have to outlive their child.  I am ashamed to say I am glad I have a daughter as I don't have the slightest clue how to teach a young racially mixed male how to navigate the complexities and prejudices of the world around him.  I am not sure how I made it this far myself...  I am not sure if I will make it...

Happy International Women's day Some thoughts on making the world a better place for women

Happy International Women's Day!  While not well celebrated in the U.S. it is a national holiday in many countries.  http://www.internationalwomensday.com/about.asp
Women have been making many changes in their lives over the past 100 years (ok, probably since the dawn of time) that have helped shape society as we know it today.  In celebrating this today, I would like to propose that we move to a more gender positive culture.  For both men and women there are many negative stereotypes and teachings that are holding us back from having a bliss filled coexistence together.

I once asked an indigenous healer why men and women have such a hard time getting along.  He laughed and said "they have different purposes... Women's purpose is to bring life into the world, and men's purpose it to bring death in the world.  Both are needed to prosper, as part of the death-life-death cycle, but both are fundamentally at odds with one another."  Profound!  Talk about "killing me softly with his song"...

It got me thinking... Men are blamed for everything that is going wrong in the world today.  Maybe justifiably so.  However, for every man out their raping and pillaging mother earth for material wealth, there is a woman (or women) backing him and enjoying the exploits.  I sometimes wonder if so much of this behavior occurs because at some level it does get the girls.
Maybe if women stopped having sex with the men pillaging the place, then maybe that model of success would die out.  (This of course is how women got the right to vote... stopped having sex with the men till they got it!)  After all 95% of male actions are directly or indirectly related to making sure they have some place in the sexing order... JK but you get the point.  The messages I received as a young man was that it was more important to get money and material things to insure my mating success than it was to do it in a way that did not destroy the planet we live on.  Consequently, we have people destroying the place to support their families, because that is the model of success we have been shown.

Speaking of raping and pillaging... The rape and assault of women must stop.  On Friday March 2 Democracy Now had a good interview with Eve Ensler, author of "The Vagina Monologues".  http://www.democracynow.org/2012/3/2/one_billion_rising_v_days_eve
In it she is calling for a day of action Feb 14, 2013 of a billion women world wide walking out of jobs, schools, ect in solidarity with women who have been raped or sexually assaulted.  I hope all 7 billion of us shows up, because it affects us all.  As  a physician, I am continually shocked at the sheer number of women that answer positively to this question on our intake form.  Our brief work in Haiti after the earthquake was probably over 90% of our female patients were sexually assaulted.  I fully agree with Eve Ensler's notion that the rape of the planet and the rape of women is one issue.
This of course gets me thinking...What has to happen to men to get them to rape?  I think it is more complex than they want power... I think something has to happen to them (and of course their dopamine pathways) to make this.  What has to happen so they don't see the joy and beauty in the feminine form and energy?  The nature vs nurture debate, I think that society makes rapist, that it is not inherent in our genetics or in maleness.  Initially I wanted to blame the media and pornography, but rape has been happening well before these came around, and it is unknown what effect this has had on rape rates as it is hard to get good statistics as it is a very under reported crime.  (Most of my patients raped or assaulted did not report it)

Check out Tony Porter's TED talk on "the man box" and his programs as one idea how how men may be socialized into assaulting women.  http://www.ted.com/talks/tony_porter_a_call_to_men.html
As someone with a young daughter, we need to change this type of socialization immediately.  Not just for Penelope's sake but for the sake of all women and men.


I guess a solution for me would be this: just like we have classes and programs teaching women how to avoid, prevent, and stop rape, we should also drop some money into researching why men rape and under what circumstances and also have classes for men and treatment well before they get to a point of acting out.  I have some research work to do... Stay tuned.  Please support Eve Ensler's programs as well as Tony Porter if these issues affect you in some way.  Unfortunately, it effects us all.  For more links on the topic of International Women's day (as well as other issues of individual and social change, see our facebook page "Upstartist" http://www.facebook.com/pages/Upstartist/198739706861199

The Demise of Guys (part 2) aka The Penis Dialogs

Interestingly, the first part of this blog "The Demise of Guys" has beat out all the porn laden posts.  This may just mean I have more female readers, than males, not sure.  In an effort to please, here are some more thoughts on the topic.

Today I had an interesting movement forward in my inner development.   I have always been a little reactive with money, I will spare everyone all the history and details.  Let's just say when I don't have money my self esteem plummets.  I feel unworthy.  I will tend to sabotage any relationship I am in because I think that as a man I need to have money for someone to be attracted to me.  When the money goes away so too does my ability to think I have value in a relationship.

I have been working on looking at that inner voice, key as money comes and goes and in my profession there are periods of wealth and periods of drought.  It is during these periods of drought that anger creeps in.  "I am a successful doctor, I am not supposed to have these issues".  Well, surprise they are here for us all.  I am learning that money ebbs and flows and my value in a relationship does not have to ebb and flow in that tide.

So today I had a big, annoying financial surprise first thing in the morning.  In the past two months I have multiple smaller annoying financial surprises, so this one should have been the topper!  But alas, my mind was calm and blank!  I calmly called the appropriate parties and did what I could to resolve the situation, then I let it go!  Deep inside I knew that everything would work out. (It always does) Only this time I did not loose a ton of energy complaining and berating myself. (Oh to be a fly on the wall of my mind!)  I had pure action with no reactivity in my mind about the whole thing!  I think I may have finally decoupled my sexual attractiveness from the mythical number that says how much monetary value I own.

The irony of the whole situation is that I make good money, I have a rich life, and for the most part I am able to do what I want.  (And tend to do so whether the money exists or not!)  So how did it get so tied in with my ability to feel safe in a relationship?  The answer is probably pretty obvious, it was socially programmed in at a young age.

Ok, get to the Penis dialog part... The real reason you are reading this.  I have you by the dopamine receptors!  (See prior blogs if you don't know what I am talking about)

This situation got me thinking about guys and their demise.  I wonder how many guys associate their value with their net worth?  I suppose it is similar to girls basing their value in a relationship on their sexual attractiveness or breast size.  It is amazing to me how long that programming has lasted as I have not had a TV in years and like to think of myself as relatively sheltered from media and popular culture where those messages are blaring constantly. 

The feminist revolution va-jayjay monologues and all have been good for both men and women.  However, as social standards are shifting, I think a penis dialogue (thanks Dr. Brandies) is needed.  After all, what is the good of a feminist movement with no enlightened males to enjoy it with?  Ok, that was pretty hetero of me, but yes this affects my lovely lesbian friends as someone needs to make high quality sperm so you too may have babies.  Here are the topics I would suggest for the dialogue:
1.  It is a double standard to want economic equality for women while still expecting men to make more.
2.  Your sexual attractiveness is not coupled to your pocketbook or breast size.
3.  Zero tolerance for sexually abusive comments or actions no matter what she is wearing/doing.  To be enforced by both sexes.
4.  Role of media in perpetuating stereotypes of both sexes that are not desired.

Ultimately I think the uncoupling of the demise of guys is do give them a place at the discussion table.  What do you guys think?

In Defense of the 1%

Yes folks, after much consideration and analysis of the situation I have decided that I am wrong about the 1% and especially the 0.001% who own the large banking conglomerations.  First of all I would not be a doctor today without them after all it was their large banking conglomerates (in this case Bank of America) that were able to loan me the extra money I needed to complete both undergrad and medical school.  After all it would be ridiculous to expect that the government or anyone else give or loan me the money to go to school.  That would be socialism.  No hand outs needed here as it is my place as someone from the underclass to support the banking elite.  In fact I am now part of the 0.00001% that have been allowed to really rack up a massive debt making me one of the poorest people I know.  I completely take the blame for this, for when my soul was entering my body I did not choose a wealthy set of parents which would have facilitated easier financing of medical school and thus helping me become a better contributor to society.

After much sleepless nights, I am ashamed to say I am a terrible contributor to society.  I am much more of a job killer than Romney!  As I survey the possessions in my house I realize that I don't even have a TV.  I worry about this at night, that some night federal agents will break down the door to my apartment and arrest me for such an un-American activity of not owning a TV.  To mitigate this internal terror, I watch the Stephen Colbert show on Comedy central's website and avoid getting my news from Al-Jazeera despite Hillary Clinton's assertation that it is "real news". (I think it is a set up!)  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/03/03/hillary-clinton-calls-al-_n_830890.html  And I definitely avoid the program "Democracy Now" with Amy Goodman!  It should have been called "Commie-Socialism Now" with Amy Goodman.  However, my biggest beef (nice American word) with these two media outlets is that they do not enrich my favorite media moguls or their banking buddies.  Thank God Comcast has put its foot down and refuses to give Al-Jazeera a channel in the U.S.  And what about Rupert Murdock, Ted Turner, Sumner Redstone, who have much to loose with these media outlets that don't make revenue with advertisements?

Without Advertising how will you strip away my self worth and sexuality and then sell it back to me?  I won't know which pill to cajole my doctor to give me to make me happier.  I won't know which penis-pill will resurrect me after years of internet porn.  I won't know which car to buy when I have my midlife crisis.  Advertising helps us all as it gives us reasons to purchase all kinds of things that we don't really need and thus creates massive amounts of jobs.  For the Chinese.  But that's ok since it is still the big banking conglomerates and stock market folk that benefit.

Shit!  A car.  I don't have a car.  I did have one, but it doesn't count.  I bought it used with cash and so I never benefited the banks or auto industry with my purchase.  Besides it was one of those fuel efficient Japanese models that rarely breaks down.  Talk about a job killer!  I think the best car to buy would be a Chevy Volt.  American made, sort of enviro, but still burns gas, is expensive (so I can take out a loan from my fav bank), and uses electricity so I can support my local coal plant, nuclear plant, and hydroelectric dam.  It is an equal opportunity employer for the entire energy sector!  I will definitely not be taking the large tax break from purchasing this car because I believe in a free market with no government intervention or hand outs.

Supporting the banking elite has been a long tradition in my family and a tradition that I intend to keep.  You see, four generations ago we were slaves in Barbados growing sugar to make the bankers and investors in England rich.  Man did they love the sugar in their tea!  Loved it so much they went to great length to get it!  Finance a big boat, sail to another continent, buy a bunch of people, put them back on boat, sail to another continent half way around the world, make them grow sugar cane, then haul it back.  Like it was cocaine!  Thank God we have Federal Express now!  Alas, I am glad this all happened because I loved watching Prince Williams wedding.  How I fantasized that it was me standing across from Princess Kate!  How else would the royal family make enough money to throw such a lavish wedding for Prince William generations later without working were it not for the broken backs of my family and fellow plantation family?  (The wedding which, by the way, generated tremendous TV ratings and advertisement revenue!)

The bankers deserve our undying support.  For who else could dream up such a system where you can loan money out in a 9 to 1 ratio and make the people pay you back with real money.  Where 9 of  the 10 dollars you created out of thin air!  Brilliant!  I would like to contact the Nobel committee and nominate the Bilderbergs, Rothschilds, and Chases for the 2012 Nobel Prize in Economics!  (They will likely be disappointed in the return as the prize is only worth $1.46 million and they will have to split it 3 ways.  Maybe the Nobel Committee can make an exception in this case and give them each $1.46 million)

I don't approve of welfare, the government should have given my mother a loan.  If she could not pay it back after going to nursing school with 4 kids, then her kids should have to pay it back.  I am happy to say that the 1/4 of the welfare I owe will likely get paid in its entirety with interest this 2011 tax season.  Thus avenging my share of the welfare debt my family owes this country!  Now for my slacker sisters, they will have to continue working their 2-3 jobs to get by.  But that is what they get for not being "job creators".

My biggest defense of the 1% is that they can't help it.  The rest of us get our dopamine fix from mundane things like eating, sex, lottery tickets, and trying something new.  They get their dopamine fix off Power.  Now how are you supposed to wean someone off of Power?  Clearly it is not money giving them the dopamine hit as they have all of it and can buy anything they want.  This is a truely dangerous situation.  If you can't get life motivating dopamine from money and buying new things, than all you are left with is Power.  I feel bad for them.  After the withdrawal kicks in from buying yet another Bentley, and there is nothing left to buy, and no more money to consolidate, no more corporations to take over.... then all there is left is to consolidate Power.  Furthermore, their is no treatment center for them.  We have every other kind of addiction center, but no Power Anonymous! 

The worst thing about being a 1%er.... You have problems money can't solve!  The least the government should do is to help these large corporate owners mitigate some of these problems.  Like pesky protesters.  So you see, only Corporations should get welfare form the government as it is them who are creating all our jobs through their illness!  Without these jobs we would have not tax base.  And their illness has no treatment!  No one has ever done a research study for them to see how to mitigate the hole in the soul that allows one to do just about anything to get Power. 

So until we come up with a viable treatment plan for the 1%, we should all just shut up, shop, and pay our taxes.  For we are blessed with problems that money would solve.

Love on the Brain or the Brain in Love

Happy Valentines day special.  Those of us in partnerships are likely out at some overcrowded restaurant right now getting lousy service.  Some of you are getting DOWN.   The rest of us are wishing we were getting down.  Me, I am writing this blog and researching the neuroscience of love.

Anthropologist Helen Fisher placed people in love in a functional MRI and found the same pattern as when one is having a rush from cocaine.  She claims that three brain systems are working with respect to love.  We are designed to look for variety (hence the overwhelming popularity of porn (see prior post)), but that romantic love serves the purpose of "focusing our mating energy on just one individual at a time".  Attachment serves the purpose of "allowing us to tolerate that person long enough to raise a child as a team".  I would summarize this in 3 words  eye candy, obsession, and submission.  Ok, that was 4 words.  Just kidding... the three concepts are lust, romantic love and attachment.
http://www.ted.com/talks/helen_fisher_tells_us_why_we_love_cheat.html
http://www.ted.com/talks/helen_fisher_studies_the_brain_in_love.html

I was glad to hear her dispel  the myth that men cheat more than women... "who do you think they are cheating with... do the math!"  The divorce rate in America is actually declining according to Fisher, however, it may be due to younger couples are less likely to get married and when they do they are older and more mature in their choices.  She thinks this is an opportune time to make good marriage.  Best case is when you lust, have romantic love, and attachment to the same person.

She then ends with a commentary on antidepressants.  Pervasive in our society, and used long term.  If you raise serotonin you suppress dopamine.  This kills romantic love, orgasm, and the ability to form stable attachments as they are all mediated by the dopaminergic systems.  I definitely agree with her on this point based on my observations with my patients.  I treat many mood/mind disorders in my clinic and have found this to be true.  They feel Ok, but they don't feel that deep urge to merge with another.

Love hurts,  a good song and a common song theme.  Love and pain pathways go together.  When we fall out of love dopamine levels plummet and you go through withdrawal.  Just being dumped, you end up loving them harder according to these functional MRI studies,  you crave them even more!   You may even take more risks to get their love at this point.  Try something novel and risky to get them.  At least you will get some dopamine from this.  Sound familiar?  Love is something we need and it can become an addiction.  Fisher thinks that love is the most addictive substance on earth.  I agree with her and can cite personal experience!  I will decline to tell the stories here, but those of you who know me well have experienced the over the top creativity elicited from my dopamine highs!  Never a boring moment with me around...

All these insights may point to why abused women may stay with their abuser, they may be addicted to them.  I have not found a study on this yet, but would love to test this hypothesis.  Unfortunately the most current example in my mind is the late Whitney Houston.  Why would such a talented, wealthy, and successful woman stay with Bobby Brown?  Love, and likely dopamine.  I cried today after listening to her song "I will always love you".  It was not the words, it was the energy, that song shifts energy.  Or maybe it completely captured my emotional state.  Transcendent.  Criticise her all you want, that album went 4X platinum, she touched more people than any of her critics.  Released my stagnant emotions better than any acupuncture treatment.  That is the power of music.  I would love to watch my brain on music.  Music is medicine, and likely could be an addiction... ever play a song over and over... just like rats pressing the lever for cocaine... "and IIIIII willllll allllllways love yyooooooooooouuuuuu"  I get a dopamine hit off that one!  I am also suspecting that all these singers get dopamine dis regulation from channeling those songs from the collective unconscious.  They get hooked on all kinds of stuff trying to re-balence their brain chemistry.  Check out Steven Tyler's (how is he still alive?  Angels according to him) biography for an inner look at dopamine gone wild.  All that coke, women, amphetamines, you name it... The biggest high for him?  Writing songs and singing them in front of thousands of people.  Makes me wonder about the dopamine plummet as they loose the spotlight.  And all the pharmaceutical crap they are put on to treat it.

For those reading these blogs, clearly I am obsessed with dopamine right now.  The reason is simple.  Patients coming in with dopaminergic problems are hard to treat and I see alot of them.  There is no reductionist way to treat this, no magic pill to shift this balance.  Educating patients is costly due to time involved.  I wonder how the dopaminergic system evolved and why is it so hard to treat?  I suspect it is because this little neurotransmitter may be the link between the mind and spirit.  When we don't treat it well the results can be, well,  heartbreaking.  RIP Whitney.  Comments and treatment ideas are much appreciated.

Getting your oxytocin fix?

I just watched a fascinating TED talk that got my little brain going... It was by Paul Zak a neuroeconomist.  A what?   A neuroeconomist, he studies the molecules involved with making certain decisions, especially those relating to money, morality, and other human interactions.  http://www.ted.com/talks/paul_zak_trust_morality_and_oxytocin.html

Oxytocin is most famously known for stimulating uterine contractions during both orgasm and childbirth.  (The drug Pitocin is used to induce labor and slow post partum hemorrhage by this mechanism)  Studies are now being done looking at its role in pair bonding, trust, decision making, maternal behaviors, and psychopathy.  Oxytocin appears to encourage trust by inhibiting the amygdala, the fear and strong emotion processing center of the brain.  Empathy as it turns out is very related to oxytocin secretion. 

I have been interested in oxytocin since my many readings on pheromones.  Many of you probably remember all my papers and rants about pheromones in med school.  My interest in pheromones started in high school, there was a specific girl who's smell drove me wild.  I could smell her when she entered the room!  After a session of massaging each other's feet, I felt absolutely bonded to her.  I had eyes for no other after that, for years!  In retrospect my little juvenile brain was reacting to the potent combination of her pheromones and my release of oxytocin from her touch! (first time I was touched by a girl for a prolonged amount of time)

It was interesting to hear in Paul Zak's talk that using social media spikes oxytocin.  Connecting to other people in any way sexual or not seems to drive up oxytocin levels.  People who release more oxytocin are happier in studies.  Those 5% in the population who do not tend to be psychopaths.  Which begs the question as to whether oxytocin may be used to rehabilitate criminals.

There is also some evidence that one of the long term consequences of those of us who have been sexually abused have dysregulation in the oxytocin system.   They tend to not like being touched and have trouble trusting those touching them.  Oxytocin based treatments, may be a key to recovery.

Autistic children are now being treated with oxytocin and are exhibiting more socially appropriate behavior post treatment.

Oxytocin may also ameliorate some symptoms of addiction and is being investigated for treatment.  Interestingly, MDMA "Ecstasy" gets its affects from its interaction with the oxytocin system.

I of course have to put a line in here about oxytocin and porn.  Yes, men can become "bonded" to their porn.  Many porn sites are moving to the model with private chat rooms, etc so it feels more like a relationship, more likely to release oxytocin and create a bond in addition to the massive hit of dopamine that one gets.  Here is what guys who gave up porn report... http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201202/guys-who-gave-porn-sex-and-romance

I also wonder if some of the antisocial behavior elicited by the 1% could be ameliorated by treatment with oxytocin?  Can someone take one for the team and stimulate Dick Cheney's nipples?

Top ways to get oxytosin
1. Hugs, Paul Zac recommends 8 per day
2. Nipple stimulation (and yes it works for males as well, I uh, looked it up)
3. Massage (unfortunately not for the masseuse)
4. Philanthropy- give something away
5. Fall in love (not lust, that is dopamine driven, real love)
6. Any healthy touch, holding hands, ect.
7. Orgasm with a partner (it is theorized that this may be why orgasm by one's self is not quite satisfying)

The Demise of Guys

Interesting TED talk entitled "The Demise of Guys" by Phillip Zimbardo.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=FMJgZ4s2E3w#!

In it he goes through some of the reasoning for the declining performance of males in a variety of aspects.  Guys are 30% more likely to drop out of school.  Girls outperform guys in all academic aspects from elementary school to grad school.  There is now a 10% difference in # of guys getting undergraduate and graduate degrees compared to girls.

According to Zimbardo the cause is excessive internet use, porn use, and video game use.  He has coined this as "Arousal Addiction".  This is so pervasive that the porn industry has now become the fastest growing industry in the U.S.  Made me think of more guys sitting at home watching porn while girls go out and get porn jobs.  An irony given the current economic situation.

Constantly being programmed for high arousal leads to poor performance in the classroom and an ADD or ADHD label.  Lack of interest in real women I would call ADD in the bedroom or ADD-B rather than ED for Erectile Dysfunction.

Many other authors are talking about how growing numbers of women are opting out of marriage, especially the more education they have had.  The data is not entirely clear what is driving it other than possibly a shortage of eligible men for these women that meet their similar demographic criteria.  Many more are predicting that this will get worse as the economic downturn has affected males in greater numbers than females.

Many of the commentators on the video also cite the growing confusion in the roles males play in society.  I agree with it.  We are being simultaneously told "Be a man" and then being told it is not ok to display masculine traits.  Growing up, I felt like I continuously consciously and subconsciously getting the message that being a male was not ok (and definitely being a dark skinned male was downright criminal!).

The book "The Decline of Males" by Lionel Tiger (great name! very manly!) has a section where he links the drop in sperm and testosterone counts in males in the first world to the fact that they are perpetually exposed to pheromones of pregnant women.  Males normally have a drop in sperm counts and testosterone when their partner is pregnant, or they are around lots of pregnant women.  Now with the oral birthcontrol pill, they are constantly around many pregnant women.  No wonder they want to be by themselves and play video games or watch porn!  J/K

The article “Are Men Necessary?” in The Economist December 23, 1995-January 5, 1996 issue has data on how sperm are affected by some chemical components in plastics.  These components encourage the production of estrogen, which causes the birth of feminized offspring with small testicles and low sperm counts.  Another article in March 11, 1996 issue of U.S. News and World Report entitled “Investigating the Next ‘Silent Spring’: Why Are Sperm Counts Falling So Precipitously?” discusses decreases in sperm concentration and motility as well as the quadrupled rate of testicular cancer in industrialized countries post World War II.
    A study cited by CNN correlates this drop in sperm counts and testosterone levels with agricultural chemicals (http://www.cnn.com/2002/HEALTH/11/11/sperm.quality.ap/index.html).  Men in a rural agricultural setting had far lower sperm counts and motility than men in cities.  The data is very preliminary and the scientists are now trying to find if agricultural chemicals may be the factor.

    What if this is really happening?  What if sperm counts and testosterone levels are dropping due to chemicals that act as estrogen mimickers or estrogen stimulators in our environment?  What if girls are having their periods earlier by the same mechanism?  Increases in breast cancer?  The studies for these topics go on and on providing substantial evidence for the hypothesis that chemical contamination of our food, water, and environment is decreasing our fertility and increasing rates of cancer. 

Furthermore, there are many social considerations of low testosterone levels (What if men lose their aggressiveness?  Want to get asked out? Comments ladies at SU, Bastyr?)  Oddly enough, the decrease in fertility may provide a “solution” to the overpopulation problem if sperm production continues to fall. 

I find this all very problematic since from a strictly biological point of view, the meaning of life is to reproduce successfully and ensure future generations of your genetic lineage.  (Just think of all the time we spend each day doing things to ensure our eventual reproductive success…wear stylish clothes, earn money, consume, learn pick up lines, buy Viagra®, and wear cockroaches, as their wings provide an excellent shade of red for the lips!)  

What's a guy to do?  No jobs, poor economy, porn wrecking his brain, sperm going awol, and those crazy people at Monsanto continue to wreck the food and water supply.  Better go buy a gun, stockpile food, and download a cashe of porn to the hard drive! 

Stay tuned for my next film (after "The Thirty Year Old Internet Porn Virgin") called "Save the Males, an endangered, but potentially useful species".